The Vision Beautiful.

My teacher asked me to an “excuse for the semester”. If I ever miss class, this is my on-file excuse for why I missed, and I’m supposed to stick with it. Here’s what I wrote:

“Well, I was walking to class, when all of a sudden a bolt of lightning stuck right in front of me, knocking me down, exploding the ground before me. As the dust settled, I could see a time machine materializing. The doors slowly opened, billowing out smoke and jolts of electricity. Out stepped my future self, with a scraggly beard, salt and pepper hair, and clothes that could only be described as “the 80’s view of the future”. He took my hand and said “I’m the future you. Come with me if you want to live! The world as you know it is at stake.” He yanked me into the time machine before I could say a word, and pulled a lever marked “Future-Tense”. Then, time and space begin to warp and bend and basically act all wonky.

When I asked him to explain, he said that in the future, I will be the savior of mankind when a race of cybernetic trans-dimensional super-beings will attempt to enslave mankind, and by sheer unbelievable luck a powerful quantum singularity will form in a most unusual place, causing me to accidentally sneeze them almost entirely out of existence. To prevent this from happening, a small group of the cybernetic trans-dimensional super-beings will go back in time to 2:00-4:50pm on a Wednesday, and alter their appearance to replace all my classmates in Management Concepts, wait for me to arrive, and murder me on the spot, so a quantum singularity can never form in my right nostril.

By the time he had finished explaining this, the time machine had materialized outside my apartment door. He told me to stay home, for the sake of humanity. I said okay, and played Mario Kart all afternoon, eating my weight in Fruit Roll-Ups and Doritos, for the sake of humanity.”